My Strawberry Love to You

Many of us enjoyed Mother’s & Valentine’s Day today. As usual and again today, I woke up early and went down for my ‘first’ breakfast. I like to have those few moments alone. I can hear myself breathe, I do things slowly, I sit and day dream. It’s as delicious as a kiss in my little boy’s neck, a bite into a vanilla macaron, skiing in powder snow, getting into fresh white bed linen, the first sip of Champagne, as delicious as loving where and whom you are right here, right now. It doesn’t last long but it’s lovely to be able to appreciate it. They call it ‘mindfulness’ or even ‘meditation’. I call it being normal.
 
Anyway, during those few minutes I let my mind revisit fond memories and train my brain to explore unanswered questions with the same curiosity I had as a child. This morning however, I was not allowed into the kitchen as surprises were being prepared and, taking in the whiffs of warm croissants and frying bacon I was left to starve for a couple of hours.
 
I married ‘late’ and have always been super independent, so for a fraction of a second, I even considered sneaking out to get a cappuccino from our local ‘Landhandel & Kaffe’. Then I smiled and decided to embrace the burning feeling of hunger and be grateful for being the mother of two most adorable children. I also took time to remember the weight of loneliness I have so often felt.
 
I wanted to be a mother from the age of twenty-three, but a definite lack of self-esteem followed by the wrong choices meant that I experienced either Valentine’s or Mother’s day, alone or with the wrong boyfriend and with an ugly lump in my throat. At around nine o’clock this morning, I was let into a beautifully decorated kitchen, the table laid out with all my best silverware, complete with roses, drawings, hand-made clay ‘creations’ and scrummy English breakfast. 

I’m as clever as anyone to share the times that make me happy on Facebook and Instagram and like everybody else I am careful not to upset anyone by sharing the less glorious moments of my life.
 
So to all of you who haven’t shared happy smiley moments with the rest of the world today, to you who is glad this day is finally over, know that many of us know how you felt.
 
Bonne soirée mes chéris!

icon for taras brev

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